Shame in Men
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Family CareShame usually manifests when we don’t feel strong. The mentality is — DO NOT appear weak.
Women often blame themselves when they feel ashamed. They often look embarrassed. They may turn inward.
Men often blame others when they feel ashamed. They often look angry. They may explode outward.
Male violence is often an attempt to ward off shame. Respect is important to all of us, but for men it is essential. Feeling disrespected or “dissed” could contribute to a man to strike out in rage.
The most difficult thing in the world to do when we are feeling down on ourselves is to admit how we feel.
Yet, this ‘honesty with self’, is what we need to stop the cycle of ‘shame and blame’ that so many of us get caught up with.
We’re afraid that if we admit our faults, we’ll feel even more ashamed. But the opposite is true. The more we’re able to say, “Yes, I messed up,” or, “Yes, I made a mistake,” or, “Yes, I’m sorry for what I said,” the better we feel about ourselves.
For men, it often means admitting our weakness. It means accepting that we can still be strong, adequate men, even when we are weakened.
Men need also to practice empathy with the women in our lives. There’s prosperity in understanding the things we do that shame them, the subtle ways we may put them down.
We could all benefit from being more empathetic and compassionate with ourselves – understanding ourselves and giving ourselves permission to not get it right all the time.
We don’t have to be successful at everything, all the time. We don’t have to be strong all the time and hide our weakness.
We do not have to wear the mask society stereotypically influences us to wear.
We have the power and choice to be honest with ourselves. We can learn to love and accept the wonderful, flawed, human beings we all are.
Loss and Grief
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Family CareAs human beings and the living organisms we are, we are inevitably going to be subjected to loss – and subsequent grief throughout our lifetime.
As men, we will manage grief in many different ways – sometimes constructive, sometimes destructive.
In the counselling role where we work with men, we have found the impact of Loss & Grief to be a powerful determinant in the individual’s wellbeing, confidence and sense of self.
We have come across men who have lost children, partners, other significant loved ones, property and livestock and also men who have lost their ability to participate in the workforce due to workplace injury.
In some of these circumstances, men lost their identity – a very powerful determinant in mental health. Grief can impact our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, our spiritual beliefs and even impact our physical health. Life can be a tough ride if we are carrying un-processed grief.
There have been men that have kept their grief at bay for years, in some cases decades…….this is an extremely long time to carry the burden and emotionally loaded weight.
Why do we carry this emotional burden when we may not need to??
Here are a few reasons why:
- Your upbringing and attitudes towards loss
- Timing/other factors or events
- Adhering to socially constructed stereotypes that men need to be tough and void of emotion
- Too painful
- Not wanting to burden others
- Not trusting that you will be cared for in your time of vulnerability
- Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable or had the opportunity to be vulnerable
- Not really knowing how to be vulnerable
- Feeling you have to be strong to support others
- Cultural beliefs
NOTE: Men have emotions too!!
It’s OK to not be OK.
Loss will inevitably trigger grief. For different reasons, men will often suppress their emotional response to grief and effectively hinder this healthy process to run it’s course. We are sharing this information in the knowledge that men (and of course women) often suffer when a loss is encountered. You can’t feel loss without feeling love – when we love and care and feel these emotions, a loss will humanly be felt. Grief is the process by which we have the opportunity to acknowledge and manage the emotions.
We seek to inspire men to be human, to understand their loss and feel the safety in allowing themselves to be vulnerable enough to be cared for.
If not with a trusted other, know that there are services that care for your health and wellbeing – sometimes it’s just a matter of giving yourself permission to be cared for.
Support services can be found under the ‘Men’s Support Services’ tab on our website
Men’s Support Services – FamilyCare
In addition, the following Beyond Blue website has some valuable information about Loss & Grief and Mental Health.
Grief, loss and mental health – Beyond Blue
Suicide & Masculinity
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Family CareSuicide & Masculinity
The Good
The Bad
The Ugly
Let’s start with The Bad & The Ugly
- 6 Males commit suicide in Australia every day (ABS, 2022).
- 75% of suicides in Australia are Men (ABS, 2022).
- 93% of incarcerated individuals are Men (AIHW, 2023)
- Suicide does not discriminate. Individuals who take their own life are from both the bush and the city, the wealthy and the poor, the old and the young.
- Statistics show that men are less likely to reach out for help in times of vulnerability.
- An estimated 1 in 3 of Australians reported feeling lonely (AIHW, 2021).
- People in rural populations are 2 times more likely to take their life by suicide (AIHW, 2022b).
- Beyond the tragic loss of the person, the impact of suicide deaths are felt by up to 135 people, including family members, work colleagues, friends, first responders at the time of death (Cerel et al, 2019).
Why are Males so heavily represented in suicide and incarceration rates in Australia?
Does ‘Masculinity’ have something to answer for? ………………Or perhaps we need to look closer at ‘TOXIC Masculinity’.
TOXIC Masculinity definition: a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with/or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole.
In other words, TOXIC Masculinity describes a set of harmful, male behaviours based on unhealthy ideas of what it means to “Be A Man”.
Toxic masculinity can be damaging to a man’s mental health and well-being, by masking their emotions and finding it difficult to reach out for help.
To break this down even further, we are referring to:
- The desire or expectation to be ‘Tough’………….. both mentally and physically
- Refusing to seek help when struggling (mentally or physically)
- Believing it’s a ‘weakness’ to express your feelings and/or emotions
- Discriminating against others such as being homophobic or anti-feminine
- Taking excessive or unnecessary risks
- Engaging in unhealthy behaviour, like smoking, drinking or drug use
- Violence
- Aggression
The unfortunate reality is that ‘TOXIC Masculinity’ has a significant influence on how we perceive ourselves as “Men”………and it’s evidently not positive.
The way in which men are shaped by the influences of media, societies expectations, family structures, peers etc. is a powerful determinant of how Masculinity…….or TOXIC Masculinity will influence a man’s feelings, beliefs and behaviours.
It is very healthy to understand these influences and appreciate the impact they can have on an individual, family and society………….and ultimately – to lessen the risk for men.
THE GOOD
Healthy Masculinity can offer Men the confidence and empowerment to feel secure while feeling vulnerable. This is extremely important as there are many stressors and life challenges that potentially confront us – this is a part of life! But having awareness, understanding influential factors and identifying how you fit into the scheme of things is a battle half won.
Sometimes, it is hard to work through these negative life experiences alone. Often, our judgement will become clouded when stress is present and a drop in confidence can often occur. Make no mistake, a loss in confidence is a powerful thing………….and a contributing factor to TOXIC Masculinity. Let yourself be cared for – you are only human!
Recognising and accepting vulnerability can be very hard to do – It’s ok to not be ok.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: HELP IS AVAILABLE!!
FamilyCare has a Men’s Worker who can support and offer counselling for men who are willing to receive support. To refer to the Men’s program please contact Central Intake on 1800 161 306.
Other Services available to men – have a look at our ManZone page here
FINAL MESSAGE: There is an abovementioned statistic that is compelling and quite sad in fact:
An estimated 1 in 3 of Australians reported feeling lonely (AIHW, 2021).
Loneliness runs the risk of propagating insecurity within any individual. Insecurity compromises our sense of self. This is not a desirable position for any living being.
If you recognise you are lonely, be honest with yourself, reach out, seek support, take opportunities to socialise, be brave and try different things.
If you recognise someone else who is isolated or lonely, be patient with them, check-in and share your observation or concern, offer them the opportunity of inclusion or support options. Reassure them it is ok to speak with you about how they are feeling (if you are able to offer this). Simply checking in without judgement may very well be the difference between someone doing ok………or not doing ok!
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be Kind. Always.” Robin Williams.
Christmas 2023
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Family CareFamilyCare’s Gift trees provide the opportunity to create a direct and personal impact, bringing joy and spreading the true spirit of Christmas. It is a wonderful way to involve others and make a collective difference.
Below are some questions and answers that may help you make the most of the gift trees and thank you very much for your support of this great initiative.
How will the Gift trees work?
Please take a gift tag from the tree. The tags represent specific ages and genders of children who we would like to give a gift to this year. Participants can purchase corresponding gifts and place the unwrapped items under the tree. FamilyCare will then arrange to distribute the gifts to those who need them most.
Where can I find a FamilyCare Gift Tree?
ANZ Shepparton, Belcibo and Co, Beveridge Centre, Connect GV, Goulburn Flood Recovery Services, Goulburn Valley Water, Greater Shepparton City Council, GV Community Heath, Harvest Home, Kilmore Village, McPherson Media Group – Shepp News, Notre Dame College, Oddfellows Café, Partners in Training, Shepparton Marketplace, Stellar, The Brewers Table, The Milk Bar, Toolamba kindergarten, Welsford St Café, Shepparton Mazda and Shepparton Toyota, Beverage Community Centre and at all FamilyCare offices.
What can I put under the tree?
Please use the gift tags as a guide for your purchase. We are also able to take gift cards, coffee or cafe vouchers or groceries only vouchers. Please no alcohol or cigarettes as we are unable to give these to clients.
Who will receive a gift?
All gifts will be provided to families identified by FamilyCare who are in need over the Christmas period. This is the same as previous years.
What is the closing date for donations?
Monday 18 December. This will ensure we have enough time to sort the gifts and distribute these to families in need.
How should I promote it to my workplace and friends?
Please like, share and tag our social media posts.
Christmas is the biggest spending time of the year and there’s often pressure to spend more than we can afford. Start preparing now to take a little bit of the pressure off.
BUDGETING
- Start now by putting aside a little bit of money each week. Make a savings account that is set aside just for Christmas.
- If you start putting away $25 per week from 1 October you will have $250 saved by 17 December. Your Christmas gifts are paid for! What a relief!
- Download a Budget template here or a copy of FamilyCare’s Christmas Savings tracker here
GIFTS
- Set a realistic dollar amount for gifts for each child and family member. There will always be other families who spend more or less than yours – and that is ok
- Buy practical gifts – for example, if your children need clothes, bedding or school bags, then they might love some of these as Christmas presents – especially if they are in the theme of their favourite superhero.
- Buy gifts that will keep the kids active and entertained through the summer holidays – such as board games, craft activities, books, and sports equipment. This way you don’t need to spend money on Christmas presents PLUS more money on school holiday activities.
FOOD
- Start purchasing a few non-perishable food items each week and storing them away for Christmas – this way you are spreading the Christmas food costs out over a number of months. You can do this with soft drinks too. Make sure the kids don’t find your stash and raid it!
AVOID AFTERPAY
- Be careful with Buy Now Pay Later – whilst it might help you out in a pinch today, it will also create a bigger pinch in the following weeks!
- AVOID IT IF YOU CAN!
BACK TO SCHOOL
- Don’t forget that Christmas and “Back to school” is a financial double whammy! The better you prepare for Christmas, the easier it is to survive the new school year.
Ask for help!
- Sometimes the numbers just don’t add up and Christmas feels overwhelming. If you want to make a plan but don’t know where to start or just can’t see how to make it work, ask your case worker for help as early as possible.
Are you going to be a Dad – part 2
/0 Comments/in ManZone /by Family CareBonding with your newborn
It’s great if you can get involved in the daily care of your baby from day one.
All these infant care activities can increase your skills and confidence as a new Dad. They also provide lots of opportunities for you build your relationship with your baby:
- bathing
- dressing
- massage
- nappy changes
- settling to sleep
- feeding (this replaced umbilical care)
Parenting skills take practice, so getting in and having a go is the most important thing. Remember, you don’t have to get things perfect!
- Think about it………….. if the bub’s milk spills or the nappy isn’t on perfect, it’s not a huge issue, rather an experience you can learn from.
The Raising Children Network website has lots of simple, easy to follow instructions on practical daily care activities from holding your baby to changing a nappy and bathing a newborn.
As much as we love our children, it’s ok to need some ‘time-out’.
Regularly tag-teaming parenting duties gives you and your partner plenty of opportunities to have time-out and also some special parent and baby one-on-one time together.
Come bedtime, singing a song, reading to your baby, or a relaxing massage can all help to create a soothing nightly sleep ritual and help your bubs regulate emotions through feelings of familiarity and safety.
Babies feel secure when they have regular routines with familiar people. Don’t stress too much if things don’t always go to plan though – in fact, it is very normal to feel overwhelmed at times. As a new dad you may need to do lots of adjusting and adapting to the unexpected. Having flexibility, patience and a sense of humour can help with the tougher times.
If your baby is unsettled at times, you can always chat to healthcare professionals who provide parenting information and advice.
Supports for you and your baby include:
- Your GP
- Your family’s child health nurse
- Phone-based services like Pregnancy Birth and Baby, or the Parent Helpline in your area (there’s a list of numbers at the bottom of this page)
Bonding through affection and attention is powerful – DO NOT underestimate the opportunity for healthy development that is associated with affection, attention and safety.
Copying your baby’s expressions and maintaining strong eye contact is an easy way to strengthen the bond and attachment between you and your baby.
When you respond to your baby’s body language and cues by showing them affection, your baby’s brain releases hormones that have a positive effect on mood, emotions and brain development
Activities that stimulate positive wellbeing hormones.
- blowing raspberries on baby’s belly
- gently jiggling or dancing with your baby
- exploring together – tummy time or a splashy bath
- getting active and going on nature walks using a carrier or pram
- babies and dads getting each other laughing
- skin to skin contact and cuddles (this is particularly powerful)
We hope you enjoy your journey of parenthood and recognise the significance of father involvement, even during pregnancy. Men can often miss the magical opportunity of being involved in pregnancy.
TIP: Embrace the wonderful journey of pregnancy with your partner and build the bond from the earliest opportunity.
There are fantastic resources available if you’d like to explore more ideas for bonding. The following website can be accessed for a variety of additional resources.
PANDA | Support that’s always there, for you and your family
Are you going to be a Dad?
/0 Comments/in ManZone /by Family CareHere’s how you can create a strong bond with your baby!
Becoming a parent is full of new and unexpected experiences.
You may have some challenging parenting moments, but being a dad can also be a lot of fun as you and your baby get to know each other.
Recent research into dad and baby bonding reported that babies may be more likely to develop strong, secure attachment to their dads when they’ve had a lot of one-on-one time together since birth.
WORKING ON A STRONGER BOND WITH YOUR BABY – It’s actually a simple formula!
Men will often wonder how they will bond with their baby and worry about getting it right. If you feel like you don’t know where to start, it’s good to remember that being with your baby, simply spending time together is all your baby needs to feel safe and loved.
Here’s a few practical tips for dad and baby bonding time.
Activities that help you connect with your baby during pregnancy and in the first year after birth can help you to stress less and develop confidence in your parenting skills early on.
Note: The magic can start in pregnancy!
From around 18 weeks of pregnancy, babies can hear sounds like their parent’s heartbeat. At around 26 weeks babies may start to respond in the womb to external sounds like your voice, sounds and music.
Talk: You can chat to your baby throughout pregnancy. You might like to sing to your bub, tell them how your day was, or try out a few dad jokes. Reading to your baby in the womb promotes brain activity and can promote early literacy skills and language development. While this may feel a little awkward for some men, the unspoken bond that it can create is un-deniable.
You could also share your thoughts about becoming their dad, and everything you’re looking forward to doing with your baby in future together. Newborns will often recognise Dad’s voice as comforting and familiar and will turn their head to find him in the room.
Touch: Touching or massaging your partner’s belly is a great way to spend time connecting with them and with your baby.
If you give your partner a gentle belly rub, you might feel a little kick or movement from your baby in response to your hands.
There are fantastic resources available if you’d like to explore more ideas for bonding. The following website can be accessed for a variety of additional resources.
PANDA | Support that’s always there, for you and your family
ManZone – Father’s Day 2023
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Family CareAs we approach Father’s Day this year, the anticipation of the day will vary for different men.
For some, where stability, security and predictability are inherent in their family unit, Father’s Day is a special occasion where the opportunity to be recognised and validated for the wonderful things you do and the wonderful person you are, are celebrated. At it’s best, men ‘feel the love’ and are reassured they are important and required as a belonged member of the family system.
This is something we should not take for granted! This is usually the result of hard work, commitment, Patience, Kindness, Compassion, Discipline, Respect, Honesty and Fairness – just to name a few. Another reason we should not take this for granted is because we, as men/fathers/caregivers, do not all have this privilege.
For various reasons, from restricted or no access, to personal battles around Mental Health or work commitments, not all men get to have the relationship they want with their children. This can be a very vulnerable space for men. That vulnerability and sensitivity to issues concerning children, can even lead to men feeling lonely and defeated.
Where you do have contact but cannot see your children, consider the following:
- Talk to your children in a simple and objective way if/when you get the opportunity.
- Keep your discussions future-focused, explaining how you might be able to make things better. Avoid blaming.
- Reassure children about the love you have for them. Reassuring the child that you love them, provides the same reassurance, safety and secure base we all need as humans.
- Listen to your children about their problems, provide emotional support, help with everyday issues like homework, and maintain rules and expectations for behaviour.
Should you be a father or caregiver that is privileged enough to spend time with your child this Father’s Day, embrace this with your heart and soul – these moments are precious!! Acknowledge significant others in the lives of your children (such as mum) and appreciate the beautiful connection you share with your loved ones.
Dying to Know Day Shepparton
/0 Comments/in Carers, Events /by Family CareCome along to our Shepparton Dying to Know Day.
Listen to some experts in the field such as; GV Hospice, Services Australia and Owen Mohan Funeral Directors. stay for afternoon tea and chat with stallholders. GV Pride, ACAS, Rumbalara and Carer Gateway are some of the stall attending to provide you with information on how to ‘live and die well’.
BOOK INN SALE
/0 Comments/in Events /by Family Care